Longest dot com name in the world

My Council Home Help girl thought I was a bit looney-tunes when I said I would like a domain name called queenieofcollingwoodrulesok . com

“That’s too long Mrs O’Dwyer”, she said with her innocent toothy smile, ” Far too long.”

(Between you and me and the lamp-post, she’s the one who’s a bit loopey. I swear she’s an ageing hippy and you know they’re all a bit short-staffed in the intellect department - what with the flasbacks and patchouli oil reflux)

But I hold the top cards here. I happen to know of a much longer domain name than my own self-effacing suggestion.

The longest dot com name in the world

Winner announced

Goodness me, some people are quick off the mark! I popped up a little contest for a small discreet prize and someone answered correctly in 5 minutes. So Leisa from Nature’s Pixel has earned herself not 5 credits, but 10.

Congrats Leisa, you’re right, the annual Moomba festival in Melbourne is actually called Up Your Bum. What a load of mugs we are.

(Leisa isn’t a mug, she’s out of the place and living in Canada)

Win 5 credits …..

I’ve had a note from a cynical reader about our little town’s annual festival called Up Your Bum

It’s the truth! It’s in a language other than English and the closest translation idiomatically is place something in your buttocks but of course we normally call the holiday by its name in the other language.

If you know what the polite people of Melbourne usually call this holiday, post the answer in a comment. The first correct answer will get a reward of 5 credits at Blog Explosion

Another kindly reader

I interrupt this blog to thank the kindly gentleman from Scotland (I know all about Scotland, I’ve seen the film) who poured me a small glass of sweet sherry.

Well, more like a large glass.

Thanks, dear. Here’s looking up your kilt!

All glasses of sherry are gratefully accepted, I was brought up to receive a gift in a polite and ladylike manner.

Promiscuity Rules

So now it’s official, the way to teach sex education is by observing Nature. Like the Birds and the Bees. Or more correctly, the Birds, the Bees and the Broadbeans. Promiscuity Rules!

It’s all to do with evolution, and how species arise, and hybridisation. Virtually all plants are distinct species, yet some are in the promiscuous habit of creating new hybrids with other plants.

But in case you didn’t know this, promiscuity is more successful for animals than it is for plants.

Cross species mating is common in ducks, North American fresh water fish species, whiptail lizards in the American Southwest and Bynoe’s Geckos in Australia. Even butterflies get into it.

I must have intuitively realised the significance of this animal behaviour when I was young and carefree. Of course all this doonah- dancing is past me nowadays, I can hardly remember what all the fuss was about.

Some people are fond of the Queen

Heavens the world is full of monarchists! My poor neighbour who types my comments into the blog received a heap of nasty little letters about my view of Queen Betty Battenburg and her consort, Philip the Racist. One woman, obviously a devoted slavey of the parasites, even wrote “..in another time you would be executed for treason..”.

This could have been the case in the olden days, if I, or any of my forbears, had actually been subjects of the English Crown. We weren’t, we had to come to Australia to find out we were subjects of the English Crown. And let me tell you that Australia was absolutely the last place on earth that my ancestors wanted to go to. We had no choice in the matter. Nor were we given a choice about English armies invading our country and stealing our land in the first place.

Now I don’t want to rabbit on about centuries of exploitation, I merely object to paying money to continue to support the Queen and her dysfunctional family. When I find it hard to scrape a few cents together to buy my arthritis pills, I get very cross to read that I am paying my taxpayers’ portion of the 3 million English pounds to have her come here to swagger about amongst the peasantry.

Seriously, if I took a little holiday to England for nine days, it wouldn’t cost me that much money. And I can’t see the Queen dipping into her ermine-lined bejewelled purse to cover some of my expenses, can you?

Fair crack of the whip, mate. Crikey, I need a small glass of sherry after that.

Of course the Queen looks well

I had a couple of comments about the lovely picture of the Queen on yesterday’s post. “Doesn’t she look well“, someone said. Of course she looks well!

She looks a picture of health, why shouldn’t she? She has lived a life of immense privilege, all the assistance she has ever needed and access to first-class health care whenever she needed it.

I would also look a picture of health if I had been reared in an atmosphere of luxury and self-indulgence with everyone else paying for the top care for my every little whim. So would you!

But I’ve had a lifetime of hard yakka, and sending money to the Queen and her dysfunctional family.

Queen appeals to athletes on walkabout

The number of Sierra Leone athletes missing from the Commonwealth Games village here in Melbourne rose from 11 overnight to 14 - two-thirds of its 21-member team.

The police are finally taking these mysterious disappearances seriously. The extra three athletes to suddenly vanish without trace are three members of the women’s relay team who failed to run in the final at the MCG last night.

The Queen has appealed for them to return. “Please come back instantly,” she said this morning over muffins, “We have front row seats to see how fast you can run. We didn’t expect you to keep running past the finish line.”

For all she knows they’re being held against their will or they don’t like her much - or both.

A tall dark stranger, like the fortune teller said

Did you see my new tenant over there? She’s in the dark, poor girl, she goes for the macabre touch, the deeply velveted feel of pure unadulterated black. Dark Faerie Doll is her name. A sweet name, and a brave one, and she must be a brave young lassie indeed, but is she alright in there alone in the dark?

Perhaps they eat a lot of carrots across the seas in New Zealand and can all see quite well in the dark.

They’re a pretty cluey bunch as a whole, the Kiwis. The name of their country for a start is enough to make you sit up and take a second look. Aoteoroa. Sort of eerie isn’t it? You can imagine Frodo on top of a glacier keening Aoteoroa! Aoteoroa!

Way back in my younger days before we heard about things like STD or HIV or anything more complicated from a bit of night out on the town than an unwanted pregnancy, I had a passing aquaintance with a proud and handsome Maori who told me that Aoteoroa meant “Land of the Wrong White Crowd“. I believed it for years.

Who am I to question? I’m from Melbourne, we’re the mugs who have a holiday called “Up your Bum”.

Two of the missing athletes pedalled away

We’ve just found out two of the missing athletes are in the bike-riding events. The team and police have refused to identify them, but Sierra Leone’s only cyclists are Alhassan Bangura and Mohamed Sesay.

They were given new bikes to ride here, and they must be bloody good bikes. The two cyclists were last seen pedalling furiously in a northerly direction.

That was five days ago.

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