Blame the genes

My Grandma could stop a brewery horse dead in its tracks.

The havoc this caused is a story for another day, I only mention it because, although Grandma was a fine figure of a woman, she had a nasty reptilian look about the eyes.

Now my numerous cousins tell me that I am beginning to look like her.

“You’ve got her look about the eyes, Queenie. Pity you couldn’t copy her smile.”

Well I have news for them. Just like you, I didn’t copy my frown from my father or unconsciously pick up a grimace from Grandma. Conscious or unconscious has nothing to do with it

(I had plenty of chances to learn from my Grandma, she was just plain unconscious at least once a week)

Scientists at the University of Haifa have concluded that facial expressions are genetically determined. You can’t beat your genes. And it’s too late to beat Grandma.

All this time I thought if you pulled an ugly expression, the wind might change, and the expression would stay forever. Grandma told me that.

Cross Dressing suspicions

I’m beginning to wonder about my fellow members of the Lawn Bowls Club Ladies Team.

I read today that the Women’s Dragon-boat Racing Team in China turned out to be men in wigs. It seems the Team was of composed of suspiciously big women with Adam’s apples, and now I’m starting to look at the ladies on the lawn more closely.

Specifically at Beryl who is my new partner in the Doubles Championships. (That’s her on the left)

I’ve noticed she’s very shy in the Change Room and, when she drinks a sherry, she clutches the glass in her fist in a most unladylike manner. And she passes wind frequently. If that’s not masculine behaviour I’ll eat my bowls.

Cross Dressing the way to win medals in China

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Money saving tips

On the television earlier tonight, I watched a woman in a yellow frock giving out money saving tips. How can you take anyone wearing a yellow frock seriously? Even Imelda Marcos wouldn’t be caught dead in one.

Anyhow, her money saving tips are along the lines of “Take your lunch to work” and “See a movie on a week night”. I’ve got better advice. Eat less and stay in.