More marvelous manifestations

Not to be outdone by sporadic appearances of Virgin Mary, (the latest being on an old tired bit of banana), every other fruit and veggie worth its salt is joining the rush to be classified as holy.

Take for example this humble spud. To the uninitiated it appears to be an ordinary common or garden potato, an everyday humdrum example of Solanum tuberosum , but, if you thought this, you would be missing the point entirely. In reality, it’s a miracle.

For this is a Christian potato!

What next .. saintly spinach? beatific beetroot? canonical cucumbers? blessed blueberries? Dearie me, it’s lucky I ordered a new bottle of sherry from the local hostelry, I need a little fortitude while I inspect the rest of my vegetable basket. Heaven only knows what else I might find.

I did have the Virgin Mary in my kitchen once, but I’ve been a little tight-lipped about it after my Council Home Help girl dobbed me in to the Visiting Nurse.

She’s back!!

I’ve been wondering where the BVM has been of late. It’s been a while since she was spotted lounging on a chocolate chip, loitering on a cheese sandwich or gracing a dish of rancid fat with her celestial presence. To tell you the truth I had almost forgotten about heavenly manifestations.

But my Council Home Help Girl, bless her, knows I love to follow the perambulations of the Holy Ones and brought me exciting news this afternoon.

The BVM on a banana chip!

Yes, Holy Mary appeared to Jonathon C. on a bit of dried banana. Jonathon, who very wisely does not divulge his full name, has made no mention as to whether or not he will be auctioning this item.

I had to sit down with a small glass of sherry and a box of kleenex to regain control of myself.

Slightly larger picture
Virgin Mary on a Spud
Virgin Mary in Grill Grunge

Do I seem cruel hearted to you? I had to ask my ne…

Do I seem cruel hearted to you? I had to ask my neighbour to remove a comment from my blog about the Virgin Mary on a Pool Stick. Some frenzied soul slapped down a scathing post accusing me of making fun of and being cruel to the ignorant innocent people who find these amazing apparitions of Mary everywhere. It was even suggested that I invented the whole thing! Let me tell you, I was a trifle shocked and had to sit down with a little glass of sweet sherry.

I assure you I am of a kindly nature, and to show that I didn’t make it up, I include the description from eBay. Word for word. Verbatim. As it is. Well, the first few lines anyway, it rabbits on a bit.

To those who could be interested in this wonderful appearance I will tell them that this is not one more appearance of Virgin Mary and Jesus Christ. This is a fact, which had not occurred before in history, that an object had a similar manifestation. And you will be ocular witnesses of what you will be discovering. I assure you with all humility that is a divine creation, fulfilled with simbology and history

There you go, what could be clearer? You are an ocular witness.

Virgin Mary on a Pool Stick. And by the way, what is a Pool Stick?
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Virgin Mary on eBay

She’s turned up again. The BVM just can’t help herself from manifesting to awestruck mortals the world over.

Not content with recreating her appearance in melted chocolate, potatoes and rancid fat, she has given the world a new face on a “pool stick”.

I’m not sure what a pool stick is, but this one has a starting price of $20,999,999.00 on eBay. (In fact I’m not even sure what the object in that photo is.)

If any reasonably endowed person can actually see the BVM on the whatever-it-is then it’s odds on that someone may just be mug enough to make a bid.

She may be popping up with dreary regularity, but searching for a cowled female shape on mundane objects certainly makes a change from all the alien abductions we saw a few months back.

Virgin Mary and child on a Pool Stick

The Comfort of a Weeping Statue

Devout Catholic Patty Powell picked up a fibreglass statue while passing through Bangkok, took it home, stuck it on a shelf and then forgot about it. But, in the middle of a hearty Spring Clean, he discovered a miracle!

The statue was crying.

Patty, to give him due credit, immediately realised he was witnessing the Mother of God performing a manifestation of rose-scented, oily tears in a fibreglass replica. Someone like myself, a little slow on the uptake in the mornings, would put it down to delirium brought on by the effort of waving a feather duster around, but Patty is made of sterner stuff.

People are queuing up to see the statue. Apparently it’s giving great comfort to the sick and dying.

Mind you, I’ve seen some rather nice bits and pieces from Bangkok in my time, but nothing that would give me much comfort on my death bed. It only goes to prove that there’s no accounting for taste.

She’s back!

The much-travelled Blessed Virgin Mary, fondly known as the BVM in my schooldays, has returned to bring a little light into the otherwise dreary lives of otherwise dreary ordinary people.

This time she’s appeared in the fat, grease and grunge at the bottom of a George Foreman Grill.

John Milanos was grilling a hamburger when he saw the Holy Mother’s face magically begin to form in the slimy scungy bits that drained from the grill. I don’t know about John, maybe he cleans the grill every time he cooks a chop, but my own griller doesn’t receive such meticilous care and it’s normally caked with last week’s lamb and rosemary sausage. (I think it was last week when I had the sausages).

I bet if I pulled out the tray I could find a whole multitude of heavenly figures.

More Manifesting Miracles

Readers are so kind. It gives me a small ray of hope for the future of the world.

Take, for example, the generous actions of Beep Beep, who is diagonally parked in a parallel universe which must be disconcerting for her. Beep Beep has been collecting the manifestations of the B.V.M. and was kind enough to leave the details so we can all be stunned speechless at the miracles going on around us.

She has collected astounding proof from such reputable sources as ebay that the B.V.M is appearing at this very moment on a potato, (see the convincing proof in the photo) a disposable coffee bag, a backyard sprinkler system and, most wondrously, on a toasted cheese sandwich.

Now I can say in all honesty that I’ve eaten more toasted cheese sandwiches in my life than the Pope has said rosaries, but I have never, never happened upon the smallest apparition of any kind on the crusty cheddar, much less any bright stars of the catholic pantheon.

Although I did once have a potato chip that looked just like Mother Teresa, I didn’t get too excited because every warped old gym boot you find washed up on the beach looks like Mother Teresa.

Virgin Mary in my kitchen

I noticed this morning that I have two old kitchen towels hanging on the door of my oven which often resemble the Virgin Mary. (The towels, not the oven) If I crouch down and look sideways with one eye shut and slowly scrunch my neck, I can even see a Bleeding Heart of Jesus. Or maybe that’s the beetroot stain.

In any case, my Council Home Help girl is coming today and I must ask her to take a photo with her dirigible camera. Then I will post them for everyone to share.

I have to sit down with a small drop of sherry and think about the possible commercial aspects of manifestation. 

Chocolate BVM

For those who asked about the chocolate BVM, it’s all true. Here’s an account of the Virgin Mary manifesting in a chocolate drop

Kitchen worker Cruz Jacinto was the first to spot the lump of melted chocolate when she began her shift by cleaning up drippings that had accumulated under a large vat of dark chocolate.

Chocolate drippings usually harden in thin, flat strips on wax paper, but Jacinto said she froze when she noticed the unusual shape of this cast-off — It looked just like the Virgin Mary on the prayer card she always carries in her right pocket.

How fortutious! If anyone else had spotted the droppings first they wouldn’t have witnessed the miracle.

Blessed Virgin Mary Sightings again

I haven’t given a thought to the B.V.M for more than 50 years, but obviously a lot of people never grew out of their invisible- friend phase and Mary has been popping up all over the place. In recent years the B.V.M has been spotted on a ham sandwich, markings on the wall of a tunnel, a hospital window, chocolate discards and sniffling on a plaster statue in a suburban back yard.

And now she’s turned up on the belly of a turtle.

Shirley McVane (who is 81 years old and by rights should have progressed past the mental age of 3) owns the afflicted turtle and is claiming a miracle has happened. I only hope she’s charging a few dollars for people to come and gawk at the turtle. Heaven knows, it’s hard enough to get by on the pension.