Deus ex machina

So I spent the morning with some Young Thing checking my blood pressure, bone density and asking me questions to which I answered almost truthfully.(Who tells the whole truth in a health check-up?)

Anyway, the upshot is I have an exercise regime to follow which includes a cross-country ski machine and lots of bouncing around with some big coloured balls. Whoever heard of such a thing. When I was a young nipper we had drills where we marched up and down. Exercise was for the athletes who did a bit of swimming to represent their country in the Olympic Games in between their work at the boot factory and signing autographs for the local children. Now exercise has to be with things

The Rise and Fall of the Plastic Bag

Have you noticed how hard it is to get a plastic bag these days?
When I was a young nipper we lugged the groceries home in big wicker baskets that scoured your hip and cut through your arm to the bone. Then, thanks to the miracles of modern technology, we got plastic bags, which also cut through your arm to the bone, but left your hip mercifully unscathed.

Where are they now? Where are the plastic bags of yesteryear? Apparently 20 million Australians currently use around 5 billion plastic check-out bags every year. I’d like to know where they are, you can’t get them in Collingwood. My shop only has paper bags, and the last time I asked there for a plastic bag, the Young Thing at the checkout rolled her eyes round like a nervous horse as if I had asked her for frangers.

According to the National Geographic News, paper bags are the environmentally friendly choice because they’re made from a renewable natural resource, and can be re-used again and again.

How? How do you re-use them? Mine last five bloody minutes, I’d rather have the plastic. They might scar your arm for life but they don’t tear at the bottom and let your oranges, eggs and milk drop on the footpath.